Hallmark gone bad

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day....
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My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... " What the Hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind.
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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.... That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Arkansas , Kentucky & West Virgini a , Mississippi ,Florida ))
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise
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We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop?
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I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep.
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So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay
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