Sunday, December 2, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
what I have learned in 11 years of being a parent
Sounds crazy to say I have been a Mom for 11 years. I sometimes feel like I am still that girl in Middle School that isn't mature enough to act my age, or I am still in Arizona and trying to find myself or where I fit in this crazy world. I often wonder if I am qualified to raise 3 kids that I didn't take classes for or get certified or read enough on how to deal with these little monsters.
I have learned allot of little things like not sweating the small stuff. You cant freak out about your daughter drawing on the carpet with permanent marker, it wont come out, put a rug over it. I cant have a vision in my head on how holidays or birthdays will play out. They are still just regular days and kids will still fight, husbands will still get annoyed because there are toys being opened without the other toys being put away. And the other kids will still get jealous and ask why didn't I get that and he got that. I have learned that no matter how hard you try you will never be organised enough to keep up with the 40 pieces of paper that come home from school everyday. Sometimes homework is forgotten, sometimes permission slips are not turned in right away, and sometimes I make lunches and forget to put them in their backpacks.
I have learned that eating dinner at the table is a really great thing.
I have learned to let them wrestle knowing that someone will end up crying or getting hurt.
I know that letting them turn up songs they love leads to having me in tears watching them dance to the beat of their own drum.
I have learned that even though I am ready for them to go to bed how important it is to lay with them and listen to what they have to say even though I am so spent that having being asked 1 more question I fear having to check myself into the psych ward. But this is when these kids are opening up to me and wanting my comfort/advice or to just lay next to them as they fall asleep.
I have learned to tell them daily how much I love them really makes them feel good and you can never say it enough. And sometimes they need to be looked in the eye and tell them why I love them so much and its not just 3 words, it is 3 powerful words that can make or break a day.
I have learned that each kid is different and dealing with them the same way I dealt with the others, doesn't work. They are little people with different souls that have different needs.
I have learned to love the small stuff. The way Tristen comes up to me for no reason and asks for a hug and needs my unconditional love. The way Tanner smiles at me when he thinks he is tricking me. The way Cassidy puts together her own Punky Brewster clothes and is so proud her matching pink shirt that has glitter on it to match her tutu and then wants to wear her cowboy boots.
I have learned that I would much rather be with the kids on a Saturday night instead of getting a babysitter. And I have also learned that sometimes I NEED to get a babysitter so I can go out and be Carrie and not have someone call me Mom every 12 seconds.
I have learned that taking each kid out one at a time can make a huge difference and see how they act without having 2 siblings around that also want to attention.
And the cleaning of the house part...sucks. I read someone say before that cleaning the house with the kids around is like trying to eat an OREO while brushing your teeth. wont ever argue that statement.
Sometimes I lose my patience and get upset that I yell louder and I am only human and it wont effect the other great memories that they will have when they are older.
I have learned that no matter how much I have learned it will never be enough and I need to keep on learning.
I tend to bite off more than I can chew and I am learning to decide what really matters and pick my battles. And if I cant go to a PTA meeting doesn't mean I don't care, I just cant do it sometimes and the meeting will still go on without me.
I have learned that having 1 handful of amazing friends is enough.
I have learned to lean on family members and not be afraid to ask for help sometimes.
I am lucky to say the least, I have a husband that goes above and beyond and sometimes acts like one of my own children but I wouldn't change that for anything, he is my rock and I couldn't do this without him.
I have learned to keep rolling with the punches, to keep swimming and to keep on keeping on.
I have learned to really soak in special moments as I watch Cassidy's last preschool Halloween party even though I might be behind in my work stuff, I can never get that Halloween party back and the work will still be on my desk the next day. And to take time to watch Tanner draw and seeing me watching him is more important to him than the actual drawing. And to talk to Tristen about how much football has meant to him and why he feels like I should learn all the plays so I know why he did what he did when he made that tackle on the field.
I have learned that disciplining my kids is my weakness and I try to give them 5 ways out of it before I do discipline them. It may have taken 11 years but I know that they do respect me more when I correct them and it gets easier. I wont always feel bad about 22 minutes of time outs in 1 day. And a glass of wine helps me forget ;)
I have learned to give credit to a community that has also helped mold my babies and accept the fact that I cant do this alone. And I'm so thankful to have the people around me that I do trust to guide them in the right direction.
I know there is so much more to learn. I know that everyday is a constant struggle to keep things rolling and some days I will feel defeated and some days I do a pretty good job at this mom thing.
But with every phase we go through, ever Lego I step on, every sock that is missing and every mistake I make, I will get though this and I will someday look back and wish I could do these days again because I cant get a re-do.
What I have learned in 11 years is that I need 11 more before I can get this shit down. And even then I will still say Can I get another 11 years please?!
keep swimming, keep on keeping on and hold on to these moments as they pass...
And NEVER quit learning.
This is some of what I have learned in 11 years...stay tuned
I have learned allot of little things like not sweating the small stuff. You cant freak out about your daughter drawing on the carpet with permanent marker, it wont come out, put a rug over it. I cant have a vision in my head on how holidays or birthdays will play out. They are still just regular days and kids will still fight, husbands will still get annoyed because there are toys being opened without the other toys being put away. And the other kids will still get jealous and ask why didn't I get that and he got that. I have learned that no matter how hard you try you will never be organised enough to keep up with the 40 pieces of paper that come home from school everyday. Sometimes homework is forgotten, sometimes permission slips are not turned in right away, and sometimes I make lunches and forget to put them in their backpacks.
I have learned that eating dinner at the table is a really great thing.
I have learned to let them wrestle knowing that someone will end up crying or getting hurt.
I know that letting them turn up songs they love leads to having me in tears watching them dance to the beat of their own drum.
I have learned that even though I am ready for them to go to bed how important it is to lay with them and listen to what they have to say even though I am so spent that having being asked 1 more question I fear having to check myself into the psych ward. But this is when these kids are opening up to me and wanting my comfort/advice or to just lay next to them as they fall asleep.
I have learned to tell them daily how much I love them really makes them feel good and you can never say it enough. And sometimes they need to be looked in the eye and tell them why I love them so much and its not just 3 words, it is 3 powerful words that can make or break a day.
I have learned that each kid is different and dealing with them the same way I dealt with the others, doesn't work. They are little people with different souls that have different needs.
I have learned to love the small stuff. The way Tristen comes up to me for no reason and asks for a hug and needs my unconditional love. The way Tanner smiles at me when he thinks he is tricking me. The way Cassidy puts together her own Punky Brewster clothes and is so proud her matching pink shirt that has glitter on it to match her tutu and then wants to wear her cowboy boots.
I have learned that I would much rather be with the kids on a Saturday night instead of getting a babysitter. And I have also learned that sometimes I NEED to get a babysitter so I can go out and be Carrie and not have someone call me Mom every 12 seconds.
I have learned that taking each kid out one at a time can make a huge difference and see how they act without having 2 siblings around that also want to attention.
And the cleaning of the house part...sucks. I read someone say before that cleaning the house with the kids around is like trying to eat an OREO while brushing your teeth. wont ever argue that statement.
Sometimes I lose my patience and get upset that I yell louder and I am only human and it wont effect the other great memories that they will have when they are older.
I have learned that no matter how much I have learned it will never be enough and I need to keep on learning.
I tend to bite off more than I can chew and I am learning to decide what really matters and pick my battles. And if I cant go to a PTA meeting doesn't mean I don't care, I just cant do it sometimes and the meeting will still go on without me.
I have learned that having 1 handful of amazing friends is enough.
I have learned to lean on family members and not be afraid to ask for help sometimes.
I am lucky to say the least, I have a husband that goes above and beyond and sometimes acts like one of my own children but I wouldn't change that for anything, he is my rock and I couldn't do this without him.
I have learned to keep rolling with the punches, to keep swimming and to keep on keeping on.
I have learned to really soak in special moments as I watch Cassidy's last preschool Halloween party even though I might be behind in my work stuff, I can never get that Halloween party back and the work will still be on my desk the next day. And to take time to watch Tanner draw and seeing me watching him is more important to him than the actual drawing. And to talk to Tristen about how much football has meant to him and why he feels like I should learn all the plays so I know why he did what he did when he made that tackle on the field.
I have learned that disciplining my kids is my weakness and I try to give them 5 ways out of it before I do discipline them. It may have taken 11 years but I know that they do respect me more when I correct them and it gets easier. I wont always feel bad about 22 minutes of time outs in 1 day. And a glass of wine helps me forget ;)
I have learned to give credit to a community that has also helped mold my babies and accept the fact that I cant do this alone. And I'm so thankful to have the people around me that I do trust to guide them in the right direction.
I know there is so much more to learn. I know that everyday is a constant struggle to keep things rolling and some days I will feel defeated and some days I do a pretty good job at this mom thing.
But with every phase we go through, ever Lego I step on, every sock that is missing and every mistake I make, I will get though this and I will someday look back and wish I could do these days again because I cant get a re-do.
What I have learned in 11 years is that I need 11 more before I can get this shit down. And even then I will still say Can I get another 11 years please?!
keep swimming, keep on keeping on and hold on to these moments as they pass...
And NEVER quit learning.
This is some of what I have learned in 11 years...stay tuned
Friday, September 21, 2012
ONE TEAM ONE PLAY
And as I tend to feel like a single mother of 2 during football season, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I work 7:30 till 4, T and Trist leave for practice around 4:30, they get home before 8 and T goes to work at 8:15 until I'm fast asleep (usually). So during the week we see each other for maybe 20 minutes a day. And in those 20 minutes we are talking about who made lunches, is homework done, how was school, ect. So we get to the weekend/game day and it isn't full of family time, it goes like this. I'm the nervous Mom that walks around the house asking 100 questions, Are you feeling ok? Are you ready for today? Did you eat? Can I do anything? Does the other team have giant players? Whats their record? ect... While I am asking, T and Tristen couldn't be more opposite. They are quiet, the pace, they keep their nerves inside and just wait to be on that field. They do their best to put up with me, the nervous talker, but I know they are both secretly getting all the gear together FAST so they can get the hell outta the house and on to the field. I'm ok with it, I get it. Venus and Mars thing going on and whatever, we make it work.
I feel like we as a family sacrifice allot for football season and I know Thomas was made to be a coach. He is LOUD, he is passionate, he wants ALL of the kids to know they are all important. One team one play is the motto, he has fun and wants them to have fun and does this all for the love of the game and these kids. He teaches them respect and gives them confidence and not just our son. In fact all of the coaches that I have watched this season put every ounce of energy into these kids. We have coaches on the team that don't even have kids on the team or even live in Clawson. We have a coach that is raising his 3 kids and coaching as his wife is overseas in the military. They do this for the love of the game and to be apart of this family.
Ohh and did I mention that this is all volunteer?! No one is paid, they rearrange their schedule and lives for 4 months to be apart of this FOR FREE.
So as a mom and wife its a little different for me. I get to hear all the sh*t talk in the stands (and facebook) and sometimes it isn't easy for me to deal with. Of course I'm defensive, of course I want to jump to defend the coaches and kids because I see all the time and work that it takes to get to the point of watching on game day. The coaches send out emails and talk to these kids everyday about playing safe, having fun and also telling them (and parents) if you feel like there is something wrong or feel like they are not getting enough playing time or if they want to try a new position, SAY SOMETHING. None of these coaches want any of these kids to feel that way. Yes Thomas has a son that plays on his team but on that field they are all his kids, they all care about each one of them, not just their own. And I bet if you ask these kids they will say the same thing, they are all 1 family. If Tristen ever came home from practice or a game and was upset because of playing time or the way he is treated, I would be the first one at practice the next day asking questions and trying to solve the problem. I would do this with any sport, on any team. Here is an example, I asked Thomas if Tristen was good enough to play 1st string defense or offense, he said "Yeah probably but he isn't hitting as hard as 1st string and he is going up against 1st string players on the other team, too risky don't wanna get him killed." Good enough answer for me! Makes sense and who wouldn't agree when its about your kids NOT getting hurt. So the coaches DO have the kids best interest in mind and doesn't want injury's, what a concept!
So before you throw any negative comments out on game day or post crap bashing the team or the coaches, ask yourself, are you doing that for attention and intentionally trying to make the whole organized program look bad because you don't have the balls to walk up to someone after a practice and simply ask if there is a reason or are you really wanting to solve the issue you have? Because to all of the people that are putting all their blood sweat and tears in these 4 months, you look like "that guy (or girl)" that just wants to complain, maybe next year you should volunteer your time if you believe you could do better. Stand up for your kid, talk to the coaches that spend as much time with your kid as you do, all of the coaches promote communication and want input. I promise there is a reason and it isn't because there are favorites or your kid isn't liked. Sometimes it is done for their own protection. Call me crazy but I would rather have my kid protected until he is ready then thrown out there with kids that can smear him up and down the field.
My kid goes to school and practice everyday and even tries to pretend not to be sick so he wont miss a practice. I know the feeling of watching your child go through hell so that he doesn't feel like he is going to disappoint his team or coaches. Ya know what that got him? Bronchitis. So I put my Mom hat on and stand firm and tell him that LIFE HAPPENS, sometimes it does suck, sometimes you get sick and have to sit out. But that's my job to try to make him understand that you take the good with the bad and ya just gotta keep on keepin on. I wont be that mom that yells about it on game day not being fair that he isn't in every play or come home and post it on facebook that he isn't being treated right and wish he played for a different city. I will be the mom that stands up for him, fights for him, protects him and be his biggest fan in the stands.
Thank you to all the coaches that help my son become a young man, thank you for teaching him that hard work pays off and thank you for sometimes having to put up with the politics of being a coach. Most people would rather sit on the sidelines and form opinions instead of putting the time and patience it takes to be a coach.
Most of the time these coaches get burnt out because of the parents and rarely have anything to do with the kids. Don't let the few complainers represent all of us because most of us are proud to have you on our side as you help us teach our boys (or girls) become young men (or woman). So thank you, your hard work does not go unnoticed.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
SUMMER 2012
these babies of mine have gotten so big...
These two make my heart melt, I hope they are always this close, so special.
My grumpy Tanman and I on the 4th of July. It was a long hot day for him and well, he is his mothers child so he doesn't fake his moods. He is still my lil lover.
Now we KNOW what makes this kid happy...hanging with football players. Tristen and Thomas and some friends got to go to a Lions practice and meet some of the players. Yup, heaven for a 10 (and 37) year old.
And this is my new tatt that I love. Its a verse in a Counting Crows song that has been in my head for almost 20 years and I remember the exact moment when I fell in love with these words. I was in California with Julie and driving around and on Sunset Blvd. I looked around and was thinking that I really needed to take these things in and remember them forever and the second I thought that these words came from the radio. So everytime anything happens that catches me in that AWE phase I say these words to myself...
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